Sunday, 5 August 2012

People are all different

I've just met up with a friend.  She has a very forceful way of looking at things.  When she enters into a relationship she expects a relatively high level of commitment from the outset, and said it is OK when you a tell a person that you love them to follow it up with the question, "Do you love me?"
Although I have every respect for my friend, I don't agree with her in this.  Putting the other party on the spot can make them back off, sometimes completely.  Until I started my current job I had spent most of my school and working life in male dominated  environments, and although men do not mind being told they are loved, they will say that they love a person, voluntarily, in their own good time.  Pushing for an answer can have the opposite to the wanted answer.
Or...perhaps that is just me.  Perhaps being fairly reserved myself, have only mixed with reserved men.  In my experience, and it isn't wide, a man telling a woman that he loves her very early in the relationship usually means that he wants only one thing from her, and saying he loves her will help him get it.
I know it takes all sorts to make the world go around, but demanding commitment after a few dates is a bit pushy in my book.


Brit said...

I've always been in relationships where a few months down the road we realized we never asked each other if we are exclusive :)

I have always waited for the guy to say "I love you," first in fear of them running away scared.

Blue said...

I think it's a sign of insecurity if you have to ask if you are loved. You either know it by actions or by the fact that they voluntarily respond with, "I love you too!" or some variation of that. My girlfriend sometimes doesn't say anything when I tell her I love her. Sometimes her response is, "And I you." But I don't doubt her feelings when she says nothing or says it in a way I don't expect to hear.