Difficult time

Over the last few weeks I've been missing Shadow like crazy.  I've only just stopped looking for her around the house.
Don't get me wrong, both her and Spark are still "around", spiritually speaking, I "feel" their presence, even though they are not here any more.
In a few days I'll be collecting my gorgeous Maine Coon, Anglesarke Raphael.....but I would still love another dog.  Perhaps when I'm gainfully employed again.

Review of 2015

Ah!  What can I say about 2015?
It's been a difficult year in a few ways.
From what I remember about January, there was pain from spinal stenosis, work, and the realisation that Spark was not a well doggie.
February brought a pain management appointment, and I had an injection.  I started knitting a "knit-along" blanket featured in Let's Knit magazine.....I enjoyed making the squares, and when I had completed it some months later, I gave it to Becky.
February was also what I hoped would be the worst month, as I took Spark to see the vet, and with my three the decision was made that it would be kinder to let him go.  Even though that was over ten months ago now, it still upsets me.
February is also the anniversary of Dad's death.
March through to early June was unremarkable, or at least I can't remember anything standing out, other than having a yearly meeting/review of my job.....fairly standard procedure that seemed to go well.......how innocent I can be at times.....rarely looking for ulterior motives for people's actions.
June started off fairly quietly, then the non-teaching staff restructuring was announced.  They laughingly called it a proposed restructure at first, however as the year unfurled, it became clear that they wanted to be rid of certain members of staff, first they "ring-fenced" each section of the non-teaching staff, but removed it when they were told....too late for some, that they couldn't do that, as it was essentially forcing certain people out of work. So....eventually, after voluntary redundancies, there came applying, and subsequent interviews for the remaining posts.  Although it has been claimed to have been a fair process, I don't think that it was, as there were more posts than people, yet it ended with me being made compulsory redundant.
Then, as well as that last bit, December brought named storms, storm Desmond managed to damage the power supply to the area, and we were on generators eventually, and switched back over to mains five days later. There's been another two storms since, again dropping loads of water on already sodden ground.
So.....after all that, I am hoping that 2016 might be kinder to me, and the general population.
There were positive things as well. Edwin graduated, and now has a job. Oliver submitted his thesis, and goes for his Viva on January 13th...  after that he should be a Doctor, a PhD doctor, not a medical one. Samantha is still at the same place, and settled in her new flat. And Becky has started her Masters year.....oh! And Oliver has a job as well.

Goodbye beautiful Spark

Today Spark has gone to sleep for the last time. The vet sedated him first, and he slipped into a slumber really quickly, less than a minute.  The actual passing was painless for him and I felt his spirit leave. I asked the vet if he'd gone at the exact moment that he did leave.
I hope that he's now a doggy angel, and is pain free.
It will take some time for me to stop feeling so upset, although I am weeping, not crying.
Thanks to the vet for making Spark's passing as gentle for me as well, and thank to my three children and Becky, for helping me get through this. I think my ex is even a little upset that Spark has gone.

Difficult decision on the horizon

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know that I have two dogs.  The older one, Spark, is beginning to age rapidly now.
I can see that sometime in the not too distant future, I might have to make a really difficult decision.
Spark's legs don't always do what he wants them to, he's going blind and deaf, and although I am doing my best, his skin is flaky and he's lost most of his thick downy coat, leaving the coarser coat.
Even writing this is upsetting me.  I need to talk to my children about him, and possibly need to talk with the vet.
Spark is the first ever dog I have had, and I didn't realise how much his visible aging would upset me.
I've been weeping on and off all day.
And yes, I'm putting off talking about him, so have been avoiding talking to people.

Ill and lack of sleep

I'm not in a very good mood today.
I've been cooking up a cold this past week, so much so that it made me have an asthma attack on Friday, so I spent most of Friday and yesterday in bed resting/sleeping.
Last night I was so tired I went to bed early. My youngest had gone out to a party. As luck would have it, it was being held in the flat where my daughter's bf lives. She and Becki brought him home, they rang me just as I'd managed to get to sleep..for around 30 mins.
So then I spent a very fitful night worrying about him and the neighbours....different ones from usual ...had a party that seemed to go on all night. Every so often a noisy bunch would erupt into their front yard, arguing, or just talking very loudly. The Police came to sort something out at 5am-ish, and took one person away in their van. So I had a lousy night, hardly slept, my temperature is all over the place. So, I'm a little bit grumpy at the moment, plus when I was just doing the ironing, Spark walked straight across me, I nearly fell over him, and he nearly knocked my ironing board with the iron on it over.
If I ate chocolate, I'm sure indulging would make me feel better.

Spark is cheeky

Yesterday I had a few dried apricots, there were only 5 left in the tub, so I ate them from the tub. As I picked the last one out, I put the tub down on the blue box that I use as a foot rest. Spark had been sat nearby sniffing...his nose twitching like it does when he can smell something he likes. He tipped the empty box onto the floor, and then looked me , and the apricot paused on it's way to my mouth.. He knows not to beg for food from us, as he doesn't get any, just told off for begging. But after sniffing at the box he tried to give it back to me. Yes! I gave him the last apricot, and he really enjoyed it. I'd forgotten he likes dried fruit. He deserved the apricot for being smart and amusing me.

Evening wander

Just as I was about to walk the dogs tonight the phone rang.
I answered it, more than 40 minutes later I set off out with the dogs.
I took my time, and it was a darn sight colder than I expected, but I walked to the end of the Stone Jetty, and sat for a while watching the sun setting, but keeping an eye on the very heavy cloud creeping into the bay.
It felt cold enough to snow, and if there is snow on "them thar hills" in the morning, I won't be surprised. There was a definite chill in the air, and the wind was from the North East. If there is snow, I'll try to get a photograph, although....British Weather is known to be unpredictable.
I was out for the best part of an hour, not walking so fast, just strolling really.
I've worn Shadow and Spark out, and they are both spark out on the floor as I type.

Jelly dog?

Well, it was a bit late, but I took Spark for his annual booster today.
What usually happens is the vet checks him all over, says he's healthy then promptly sticks the needle in him, and it's all over so quickly, and he's usually a shivering mess by the time the injection comes.
We have a new young vet though, and today it was her who saw to Spark, she was even gentler than the male vet, that I prefer to see. (Long story.)
However, she gave Spark a good all round check, and said he was a lovely dog and then she noticed his ears, she was checking them anyway, but they have been a bit tender, I just thought it was because Shadow nips at him when she wants to play, but have noticed once or twice he's yipped when I've ruffled his ears. He has an infection in his ears, so she cleaned them out with a warm saline solution, then she put drops in each ear, and massaged the ears, he loved that and was pressing his head against her to help her massage his ears, which is probably why he sat as good as gold for his injection, not even whimpering.
I've to take Spark back next Wednesday for a check up. Shadow, however, sulked at me for going a walk and not taking her with me. Yes! she sat on the settee, curled up on the elephant cushion, with her back to me! Little madam!
Then Edwin came back from Scotland and the dogs were happy.
And I think I had 4 calls from Oliver, he was making curry, and wasn't sure about things. It goes like this, my mobile rings, it's Oliver, and his Mexican Tomato song, he says, "ring me back", I do, usually it's about cooking, or best buys when shopping.
If you want to listen to the song, go to http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=111404406