Friday, 14 September 2007

The things you find out while shopping

I was up early this morning. Took Edwin to school, then went straight through to Morrisons.
I checked my tyre pressures, they seem to be the only place with a functional tyre pressure machine in the local area.
Then I went into the store to get a few things.
Whilst I was looking for an item I met someone I hadn't seen for years. This lady has an adopted Peruvian daughter, her daughter and Oliver were good friends at primary school. It turns out they are both going to be studying at Manchester University for the next four years.
Then we started talking generally, and as her daughter is her youngest, she never saw me after they left primary. But she told me that it was well known that my ex used to bully me and make my life hell. But the reason no-one ever approached me, or offered any type of advice/support was, because I wouldn't talk about it.
I'll be honest, it hurts me still to think about it. I know it shouldn't let it do, but it does.
We talked about ex's, child maintenance, reluctance to pay child maintenance, then got onto them stopping it. (Apparently he can't, not whilst Oliver in full-time education.)
She told me I need to be tough with my ex. To be honest, I think if he knows it is the law, he will do it.
So now, after 6 years, or more, I have found out that people knew how bad my ex was with me, and cos I just got on with things , no-one knew I could have done with support. It is not their fault, it is mine, for marrying my ex in the first place, and then doing my utmost to make it work, even though I could see it was not doing. I had never encountered the "values" he wanted before in my life, and hope I never do again.


Blue said...

Well, this is just my opinion, mind you, but if I had known you then, I would've found a way to sit down with you and talk about it at length. I think close friends should be able to say, 'Hey look, I see what's going on in your life and I think it should stop.' I mean any one of us would do it if we knew a friend was drinking and driving or doing drugs, why is a troubled marriage so different? I don't think the one in 'trouble' should always be the one to seek help. Sometimes they don't know how to ask for help because they feel they should have the perfect marriage and they don't, so a friend approaching them might show them that no one's going to feel different.

Sea said...

That is the problem.
I thought it was my fault it wasn't working, and he made me lose all of my confidence. (Didn't have much anyway.)
No matter what I did, nothing changed. I knew it wasn't like marriages I had seen from the outside, my parents, grandparents, auntie and uncle, sister's, brother's second marriage, but I couldn't see how to make it like that. The fact his parents never seemed to demonstarte any affection for each other should have warned me, but it didn't.