When all you've ever had from some people all your life is to be pushed aside, or ignored, or left to cope on your own, do the very people who have done that to you expect you to do as you are told, fit in and ask for help coping?
This is what has happened to me lately. And to be perfectly frank, I am finding it difficult enough coping alone without having to "share" with others...who I am sure haven't suggested me "sharing" with them for my own good, but suspect that they want me to "share" with them so that I can shoulder their "upsets and concerns", rather than have chance to share mine.
I have always tried to put others first, but at times when I find it difficult to cope, I turn into a hedgehog, curl up inside myself and hope my prickliness will keep others away.
After all, in the past, I have mistakenly thought people were being kind to me and found out that they weren't being in a very nasty way. What I mean is I have let people get close to me, and ended up being "kicked in the teeth". It's not me that's at fault...or at least not now. It is how I was brought up, stand on my own two feet, cope with the bad stuff alone, be pushed out by others and not complain, so the very people who made me like I am should not be surprised when I react as I do.
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I am always here for you and know a bit of what you're going through. When I was in my 20s and working, my mother would inevitably ask how my day was when we were all sat at table eating dinner. Before I could get two words out, though, she was on a rant about HER work. I began thinking to myself, 'Why do you ask if you don't really want to know??'
Perhaps those who are expecting you to cope with things right alongside them are, in a very round about way, asking for help because they don't know how to cope. And then they don't stop to think about anything beyond their own coping when you show the slightest inclination to help them and they just unburden themselves to you.
I'm not saying it's right; I don't believe it is, but that's how I observe what's going on. Perhaps you should indicate - truthfully or not - that you have decided to speak to a counselor for help in sorting out everything. Even if you aren't, perhaps that will stem the flow of unburdening on you. To be honest, I don't know if it will work, but anything is worth a try.
I cannot begin to imagine what you are dealing with right now, but you know I am always here for you. Hopefully after nearly 6 years of being friends, you'll know I do care about you and will listen as often as you need.
x
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