Getting my facts right.

Following on from Thursday's revelations, I sat down and made a list of facts that I need to find out, options that I need to explore.
I don't want to leave my job.  I love my job, no two days are the same, and quite often I'm asked to do x,y or z, and then left to my own devices as to how I actually do the job. Sometimes I have some guidelines, but often it's as vague as, we need something to do with cross curricular literacy for that noticeboard.  Another couple were filled with, something interesting related to Maths.
It was very interesting to, find an area of maths with something interesting, find an article, make it noticeboard friendly, ( I try to avoid solid chunks of text, as these don't capture the attention of the viewer,) diagrams and colour draw the eye.
I'm trying to stay positive, one colleague has told me that she'd "come knocking on" my door to help her.  It's lovely that the teaching staff are reacting in this way, but I don't think that the powers that be will be swayed.
Also, today I was going to show a student a recipe that might be useful for her exam. She wasn't there, so I made it up anyway, then let other students have some of it, (it was cream of tomato soup, the recipe claims it is the best ever).  The upshot of this was, one other student asked for the recipe, as she would like to make it for her exam.
Would you want to leave a job that gives you such positive vibes??

Waiting for the hatchet to fall

So....Monday of this week all the non-teaching staff get an email with the proposed restructuring of the staff.
My job is not on the new list.  The technician area is five less than currently.
Thursday we had the options laid before us.
If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I have some health issues.  Because of these I think that it might be extremely difficult for me to find another job.
So...I'm currently looking into what my options are, alongside which, I feel like I can't breathe, keep being sick and getting some chest pains, on top of everything else.
Maybe I should get myself signed off with stress, as at this point I really don't know how I got through the past week.
Maybe there will be a silver lining to this particular cloud I have hanging over me, but it's really hard to find it through the constant deluge from it.

How many times?

Every time that I think I am going to be OK, something comes along to make me worry .....yet again.
How many times do I have to prove that I can cope with things when they get tough?
At set periods of time throughout my life I've had to be strong, carry on, and cope. Surely there's been enough of this, but no....just when I start to think that although I might be bored to tears through being on my own, my life isn't so bad, and I might not have to worry about things......something comes along and upsets my calm.
They are restructuring the non-teaching staff structure at work, and we will find out the proposed staffing structure on the 18th.
But, we were emailed this news, not told directly, nor did the person who is named as sending the email the actual author of it!  Pretty bad form really.
I really wish that just for once in my life, I didn't have to worry about things.  I've proved repeatedly that I'm strong, but even the strongest things break if you test them too much.