Waiting for the hatchet to fall

So....Monday of this week all the non-teaching staff get an email with the proposed restructuring of the staff.
My job is not on the new list.  The technician area is five less than currently.
Thursday we had the options laid before us.
If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I have some health issues.  Because of these I think that it might be extremely difficult for me to find another job.
So...I'm currently looking into what my options are, alongside which, I feel like I can't breathe, keep being sick and getting some chest pains, on top of everything else.
Maybe I should get myself signed off with stress, as at this point I really don't know how I got through the past week.
Maybe there will be a silver lining to this particular cloud I have hanging over me, but it's really hard to find it through the constant deluge from it.

How many times?

Every time that I think I am going to be OK, something comes along to make me worry .....yet again.
How many times do I have to prove that I can cope with things when they get tough?
At set periods of time throughout my life I've had to be strong, carry on, and cope. Surely there's been enough of this, but no....just when I start to think that although I might be bored to tears through being on my own, my life isn't so bad, and I might not have to worry about things......something comes along and upsets my calm.
They are restructuring the non-teaching staff structure at work, and we will find out the proposed staffing structure on the 18th.
But, we were emailed this news, not told directly, nor did the person who is named as sending the email the actual author of it!  Pretty bad form really.
I really wish that just for once in my life, I didn't have to worry about things.  I've proved repeatedly that I'm strong, but even the strongest things break if you test them too much.

Frittering time away

Today has been a day of waiting. And when I have to wait..I find tasks that I know I can immerse myself in, and get them done.
Does it stop me worrying? Nah! just means I get stuff done.
Kids got a nice roast tea, the pile of books on floor has dwindled, and I brushed the dogs.
Talking of which..they are going for clipping in the morning.
More about that tomorrow.